Finally an understanding and a name

Belly up to the Bar and tell us about yourself.

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Eric C
Thangailhir
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Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Eric C » Wed Oct 02, 2019 2:40 am

Hail and well met!
I am the mythical other moderator. The one whose name is whispered among the old timers. The one the newcomers may have heard of but considers legend. I live!...I think. :?

In all seriousness, things have been rough. I have gone through years of, well, I can't exactly describe it. You who know me know that I am a Desert Shield/Storm veteran. It was a small war, right? Certainly the veterans should be over it by now with no lasting effects? Unfortunately, that's wrong.

I was going strong on the forums here as can be seen my the number of posts I made when I was active. There was a series of events in my private life - too numerous and painful to recount here - and I found myself withdrawing from the things I loved. This forum was one of those things. Let it be clear: No one here offended or hurt me in any way! The folks on this forum have always been welcoming and accepting of me and my strange ways, my hijacking of threads - such has been my sense of humor in the past.

But the laughter stopped. Life began to weigh me down. I withdrew from many things that I love, including my family. I mean, I'm here, at home. But I'm not here. I am grouchy, tired and can suffer a mood swing in a heartbeat. My family doesn't deserve that.

A couple of years ago, I had lunch with my old squad leader from the Army. He is 100% disabled from his service in Desert Shield/Storm. He encouraged me to go to the VA for help... No actually, he chewed my tail for not already having gone. Most everyone I served with is already disabled and a good friend of mine died a little over a year ago from a bacteria he picked up in "91 from the Gulf! So I filed a claim for damage done to my lungs by the oil fires while I was in the Gulf. After an exam, I was rated at 30% disabled. Then I was set up to go to an appointment to evaluate my overall health. During the evaluation, the Nurse Practitioner, brought out that I was depressed and marched me over to the psychiatrist on duty. She then diagnosed me with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder - something I have denied but knew I had since I left the Gulf. I thought it was just jumpiness when I hear a loud pop. I was surprised to find out that PTSD has ruled my life for the last nearly 30 years. I have been undergoing counselling for it which is about complete. I also filed a claim with the VA but I am waiting to get the results from them.

So, anyway, I will always have PTSD. But now at least I'm aware of what it is doing to me and to those around me. Now I can put a name to what's going on in me. Now I'm getting the tools to fight back and to start easing back into things that I enjoy. Hopefully, I'm back!

This is still the most awesome forum on the net.
Eric C/ Angarth Spider's Bane
Ichthean Forge (pronounced Ick thee an). Maker of knives.
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TaylorSteiner
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby TaylorSteiner » Wed Oct 02, 2019 4:29 am

Well met indeed! This place is the best! My heart goes out to you. I myself suffer from mental illness. These Rangers have helped me in ways they don't even know about. Continue to heal friend. You're for sure not alone in the fight.
Frodo lives!
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Peter Remling
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Peter Remling » Wed Oct 02, 2019 12:23 pm

Welcome Back Eric, you have been missed. We know you had some financial and personal set backs and were here waiting for you to get those in order. We knew you'd be back !

For those of you who don't know Eric, in addition to being a longtime member and contributor, he makes some mean cutlery. Many of us have a blade made by Eric and cherish it.
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Eric C
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Eric C » Wed Oct 02, 2019 5:10 pm

Peter Remling wrote:Welcome Back Eric, you have been missed. We know you had some financial and personal set backs and were here waiting for you to get those in order. We knew you'd be back !

For those of you who don't know Eric, in addition to being a longtime member and contributor, he makes some mean cutlery. Many of us have a blade made by Eric and cherish it.


You are too kind. I would love to be able to fix the edge bevels on the D-Sis I sent you a long time ago.
Ichthean Forge (pronounced Ick thee an). Maker of knives.
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Harper
Amrod Rhandir
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Harper » Wed Oct 02, 2019 5:31 pm

Welcome Back!

Warriors get wounded. Not all wounds are physical.

I'm glad to hear that you are getting the help that you need. Look to your faith, that will help too.
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Iodo
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Iodo » Wed Oct 02, 2019 8:20 pm

Welcome back :P
Gimli: It's true you don't see many Dwarf-women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for Dwarf-men.
Aragorn: It's the beards.
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Eric C
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Location: Central NC, USA

Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Eric C » Thu Oct 03, 2019 12:03 am

TaylorSteiner wrote:Well met indeed! This place is the best! My heart goes out to you. I myself suffer from mental illness. These Rangers have helped me in ways they don't even know about. Continue to heal friend. You're for sure not alone in the fight.



Thank you for your support. PTSD and depression are like mental cancers. As cancer ravages your body, PTSD and depression ravage the mind. If left unchecked, they can cause you to do some very serious things, up to and including ending life - your own, or others. No, I have never thought of ending life. I was told by a former friend that he watched me get knocked down so many times but I always got back up. After he knocked me down, I got to the point that I couldn't get back up and I didn't want to. That was when I realized I couldn't do it any more and I needed help.
Ichthean Forge (pronounced Ick thee an). Maker of knives.
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Eric C
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Eric C » Thu Oct 03, 2019 12:10 am

Harper wrote:Welcome Back!

Warriors get wounded. Not all wounds are physical.

I'm glad to hear that you are getting the help that you need. Look to your faith, that will help too.


I have heard of disabled veterans being verbally attacked because they didn't "look" disabled to the attacker. Mmkay, when the attacker walks where the person has walked, the attacker will change their mind. I had an instance recently where I was verbally assaulted by two much bigger guys. One of them called the cops on me - long story. The other, bigger guy got well within my personal space and went off on me. Both guys wisely realized when the conversation was over as I almost turned physically hostile. The bigger guy went into the restaurant and I never saw him again while the other guy moved across the parking lot and stayed on the phone with the 911 dispatcher. Yeah, that guy was surprised when the cute young deputy informed him that he and the other guy were actually in the wrong. My counsellor was happy I didn't turn physical as many PTSD sufferers would have and then ended up spending the night in jail.
Ichthean Forge (pronounced Ick thee an). Maker of knives.
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Elleth
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Elleth » Thu Oct 03, 2019 2:19 am

Welcome back.. and it's good to hear you're on a road to recovery.

I hope you've some nice quiet forest time in front of you as well. :)
Persona: Aerlinneth, Dúnedain of Amon Lendel c. TA 3010.
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SierraStrider
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby SierraStrider » Fri Oct 04, 2019 4:21 am

Welcome back, and thank you for sharing. Speaking without shame about our emotional challenges dispels stigma and makes those who struggle in silence feel less trapped and alone. I'm in therapy for my depression and anxiety and am considering medication to help me manage my turbulent moods. Stories like yours remind me that I'm not alone or less worthy for my disabilities.
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Eric C
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Eric C » Fri Oct 04, 2019 2:29 pm

SierraStrider wrote:Welcome back, and thank you for sharing. Speaking without shame about our emotional challenges dispels stigma and makes those who struggle in silence feel less trapped and alone. I'm in therapy for my depression and anxiety and am considering medication to help me manage my turbulent moods. Stories like yours remind me that I'm not alone or less worthy for my disabilities.


"You are alone" is the biggest lie that PTSD , depression, anxiety etc will tell you. I have to remind myself of those who love me and are there for me all the time. You are never alone. There are many fighting the same battles, or already have fought them. We can help and support each other. I am glad I can be some encouragement to you. If you ever need to talk, shoot me a pm.
Ichthean Forge (pronounced Ick thee an). Maker of knives.
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Eric C
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Joined: Sat Feb 23, 2008 3:02 am
Location: Central NC, USA

Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Eric C » Fri Oct 04, 2019 2:32 pm

Elleth wrote:Welcome back.. and it's good to hear you're on a road to recovery.

I hope you've some nice quiet forest time in front of you as well. :)


I am considering going to where we hold the spring ranger moot and spending the weekend camping alone for some time to pray, reflect, recover and recharge.

Edit: Oh and maybe write some.
Ichthean Forge (pronounced Ick thee an). Maker of knives.
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SierraStrider
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby SierraStrider » Fri Oct 04, 2019 3:41 pm

Eric C wrote:If you ever need to talk, shoot me a pm.


Thanks. Same to you.
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Greg
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Greg » Sun Oct 06, 2019 10:12 pm

We'll always be here for you, Eric. Welcome back home!
Now the sword shall come from under the cloak.
Straelbora
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Re: Finally an understanding and a name

Postby Straelbora » Tue Oct 08, 2019 12:37 pm

I think Tolkien himself understood all too well your journey. It was called shell shock a century ago, but had the same impact on people. Frodo's pain on the anniversay of the wound from the Morgul blade on Weathertop, I believe, was allegory for the psychic pain brought on by the war. Those of us who weren't there can never fully understand, but we can and will support you.
Vápnum sínum skala maðr velli á
feti ganga framar því at óvist er at vita
nær verðr á vegum úti geirs um þörf guma
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