Escape (Tinkering with words)

[Eledhwen]

* She came awake in a rush, alert and clear of mind, no trace of sleepiness. She heard loud voices, a crash as something was knocked over. He was home, angry, and drunk..or just angry. It did not matter. She swore to herself and slid from the bed, shucking her night clothes and getting dressed swiftly in the dark.

'Not this time!' she thought fiercely. There would be no more beatings this night. She was resolved to put an end to this, at least where she herself was concerned.

Gathering up a small pack with needed items and a sleeping bag, she slid the window open without a sound; she had taken care of that little detail long since. She swung the shutters open, well cared for they too made not a sound, turned, and slid out the window, closing it behind her and closing the shutters. Pausing to use a simple tool, she latched the shutters on the inside, replaced the tool, and melted into the shadows of house and bushes.

She waited, getting her breathing under control as best she could, but she could not wait too long else he would find her missing and all hell would break loose. She glided across the shadowy yard, through patches of starlight...there was no moon yet...and over to the barn. She knew where she wanted to go, and would get there faster with a horse...but she had to weigh this convenience against the charge of horse theft and worse that would inevitably be laid against her.

In for a penny, in for a pound as the saying went...she had her own horse as everyone round about knew, earned with her own work. It would not stop him from crying theft, and she was under age so he could make it stick, but it was definitely her horse. She would take him. Decision firm she slid into the barn and made her way through to the stables section where she rapidly and deftly bridled and saddled him, tying on gear and ensuring she added in grains for the occasional treats.

She opened the stable doors, walked him out, and then closed the doors behind her. The usually recalcitrant stallion was, this night, absolutely biddable..as if he sensed her need to get going. She had stayed overlong already she feared, yet still there was no outcry from the house. It must be one of his more involved build ups tonight..that or he passed out, which would be a mercy in a lot of ways. Her mother was gone, taken by illness, so she had no fear of what he might do to her. All that remained were her half-siblings and they never received the ferocity of his ire.

Leading the horse a way into the fields, she mounted swiftly and clucked to him, setting him to a canter away from the farm that had been her home. She would be in the deep forest in short order; she had no fear of it, nor of the dark, but a healthy respect for some of the things that called the dark home. The cased longbow and quiver of arrows made her feel safer, along with the long knife she had at her back... *

Eledhwen

I play with words a lot, but I am no writer. I have chests of rejections that prove that fact pretty well. LOL Still, I thought I would have a bit of fun and put this bit here. Tear it up guys; I have some seriously thick skin courtesy of the publishing industry. LOL

[kaelln]

Actually, Eledhwen, I think it's rather well written. No grammatical gaffes that I can see, everything is clear and lucid, it all makes sense. You can quickly gain empathy with your main character, and you build tension nicely, so that we're worried about her safety. The only thing I think I might have done differently, is to have the horse act up a bit; that would have increased the tension. Really, very well done, and I'd like to see more!

[Cleddyf]

yeah,like kaelin said, its good,
i like it,
is there anymore to come?cos i want to read some more

[Jon]

I assume it's set in Middle Earth, but what part?

[Eledhwen]

That was off the top of my head this morning. I'll work up some more of it if that is what is wanted.

As to what part of Middle Earth...well now, that is the question, isn't it.

[Ranger of Arthedain]

I would have to disagree with you, Eledhwen, you're a very wonderful writer! I'm excited to see how this story unfolds!